


love, mark tuan

by moondaisies



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rushed, Short, jaebum is mentioned, sorry - Freeform, this is so ???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 11:21:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8443912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondaisies/pseuds/moondaisies
Summary: mark doesn't know himself anymore





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi, sorry

** rain + flowers /// markjin **

  
mark sits in the practice room alone at one in the morning with a gaping hole in his chest as he repeatedly plays the same hard carry performance video. he watches his every move, his every step, the way his chest rises and falls when he catches his breath, the way his mouth moves, how he dances, how he raps and everything else he can find a flaw in. he reassures himself that he's not overreacting, that he's hearing and seeing things right, that everyone makes mistakes, and that he didn't just hear his voice crack the moment he opened his mouth for his rap verse.

  
he replays that part for the seventh time in ten minutes. his own voice haunting the back of his head. his own _mistake_.

  
_'it's normal'_ , mark recalls jaebum's kind smile as he places a comforting hand on his shoulder, patting the exposed skin. _'i didn't even notice until you pointed it out'._ he also recalls himself scoffing once jaebum turned his back around to get his makeup fixed because it's expected of the leader to say that, to smile and give assurance, to laugh and push worries aside, to sugarcoat, to lie, to-

  
mark might be thinking too much.

  
a part of him wants to believe jaebum. the happy, positive part of his head where _flowers_ bloomed and the sun shined. he wants to believe that the tiny crack in his voice was no big deal and that it's called a tiny crack for a reason. but there's always a but, and that's where the dark side of his head comes in. it's the side that's currently taking over all his thoughts, the side where spiders crawled, and thunder boomed, and acid _rain_ fell. it's telling him that he's called the useless member for a reason.

  
mark just wants to sleep properly for once without having to think about everything he's done that day.

  
his own bed stopped providing him maximum comfort after coming home from performances and practices like it used to. he didn't fall asleep quick and easy like before. instead, he just hides under mountains of blankets, reading comments from the netizens and what they think until it's time for their manager to come wake them up. he starts the day not knowing himself anymore. knowing himself only as mark, the member who keeps screwing up.

  
the raven haired man pulls himself together- or at least tries to, because at the end of the day, he still has to come home and rest. he leaves the practice room at three, not noticing how much time he has spent in the darkest corner of the practice room, poking and prodding the deepest parts of his mind. opening old wounds, making new ones. his legs hurt. not because of practicing, but because of how long he sat with his knees pulled to his chest.

  
mark slowly opens the door to his dorm and doesn't think twice when he crawls into bed with jinyoung, pulling the sheets just above his chin. the younger moves in his sleep and wraps an arm around mark, mumbling something along the lines of, "where have you been?"

  
instead of answering, mark asks jinyoung a question. "do you love me?" and in all honesty, he doesn't actually know where he's going with that question. maybe it's just mark wanting reassurance that even with all the hate, someone still loves him.

  
jinyoung just nods against mark's chest.

  
"will you love me tomorrow?" mark questions again, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes as he stares at the ceiling.

  
a muffled 'yes' is all jinyoung says as he adjusts his grip on mark's torso. "and before you even ask if i will love you next week, and the week after that, just know that i will love you forever, so shut up and go to sleep." jinyoung declares this in his scratchy voice, placing a kiss on mark's chest before falling asleep again.

  
that's all mark wants to hear.

  
-

  
jinyoung wakes up the earliest to prepare breakfast for the boys and it's no surprise anymore since he's the 'mom' of the group. he walks to the kitchen, rubbing the crust from his eyes and he remembers the conversation he had with mark that night. it was kinda surprising since the older wasn't really the type to bring up those kinds of topics, but jinyoung supposes that maybe mark was just feeling down so he brought the conversation up.

  
forever is a long time, but jinyoung doesn't mind spending it with mark.

  
he grabs his apron from the counter and he almost misses the note under it. 'read this together' the envelope says, and it's unmistakably mark's sloppy handwriting. dropping the apron, jinyoung rushes to the rooms of the boys, pulling them awake and mumbling 'go to the kitchen' to each one, and they comply. all of them mildly confused and worried as to why jinyoung was acting so strange early in the morning.

  
jinyoung runs to his room, heart almost sinking when he finds mark's bed to be empty. thoughts race in his head as he runs back to the kitchen where all the members are gathered by the table.

  
all except one.

  
he throws the envelope in the middle of the table, and the leader is first to get it. his eyebrows scrunching together when he reads what's written on the cover. 'read this together'. the other boys all circle around jaebum, the same confused looks on their faces as they push jaebum to open the envelope, and he does this with his breath held in his lungs.

_  
i'm really sorry, but i can't do this anymore. i can't keep pretending i'm fine when i'm not. thank you though, for the journey that is got7, you guys will always be this biggest and best part of me. i hope you guys will never forget me as your brother, or friend, or at least as someone you guys knew for a while. i hope i will always remain as mark to you all, the same way you guys will remain as my brothers. carry on without me._

  
_love, mark tuan._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i was told to work with the words rain + flower so I came up with this ! i hope you guys enjoyed and thank you for reading ! 
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> have a nice day :-) 
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> comments are really appreciated /// talk to me and send me stuff on twitter!!! @sleepygyeom


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